Bray Wyatt and The WWE Universe have been caught in a bad romance for years now, and it's probably time to just break up and say goodbye
By Ryan K Boman - 03.26.2023
Dear Bray, It's not you... it's us.
We haven't wanted to bring this up, because it looked like we were really starting to get this thing worked out. Sure, you've left WWE a few times to find yourself, and that's okay. We all need to discover our true identity, at times. Especially if we're going to embrace the things we truly love.
This has been a long time coming. All the way back to the good old days when we first met you. As you emerged from the swamps with your family, you had an appeal, a strange and eccentric kind of charm. And it worked. You had us wrapped around your finger, as if your witch doctor voodoo was all too real.
Things didn't work out for us then, but it wasn't really your fault. You had a lot of people pulling you in different directions. Then John Cena had to - of course - get involved and try to break us up. (He's such a player-hater.)
Things just lost steam from there. While you tried to come up with new ideas to keep things interesting, it just didn't have that same, old black magic. And to be fair... we kind of had our eye on Daniel Bryan at the time. So, we kind of forgot about you for a while. Sorry!
Even though you had so much success, it seemed like we just weren't connecting, Bray. Then, without warning, so many crazy things started to take place.
You ran off and had an affair and a couple of kids, you had some weird thing going on with Matt Hardy, and you and Randy Orton tried to murder each other on more than one occasion. No offense, but you were going through a pretty weird phase then, man.
Then, things only got weirder. You started reverting back to your childhood: playing with dolls and dressing up like mythical, Halloween figures. I don't know about you, but this just doesn't seem the way a mature pro wrestler should act, do you?
Still, the bad boy persona worked for a while, and The Fiend certainly had a dangerous aspect that we could all get behind. Hell, it was cool. At least, until you reverted back to your child-like ways and started playing with fire. Next thing you know? You've reduced everything you built down to ashes.
This brings us to your latest attempt to sweep us off our feet. This new, hybrid personality was intriguing at first, especially when it looked like you had your heart into it. You've certainly got something to offer, Bray. You're smart and creative, almost to the point of seeing the world in a way that others can't. That's clearly displayed in the genius of your artistic ideas.
But it's constantly the same thing. As soon as we get excited about you, you fail to come through. You never seem to man up and really take the bull by the horns. You might have a beautiful mind, Bray, but you need the brutality to back it up in the ring.
In the world of professional wrestling, art has to be backed up by aggression. Something that you seem to be sorely lacking. If that because you're overly sensitive or have emotional issues that you need to work out? Then maybe this just isn't for you after all. Maybe you're just a round peg trying to fit into a square hole. And if that's how you feel? Then you should probably spare yourself the grief, if only for your own good.
Every time you come back, you say it's going to be better. And for a while, it is. Then, we get right back to square one, and a whole lot of excuses about what went wrong.
That's why it's time that we just call it quits. No, this isn't a break. It's a breakup. It's pretty clear that, after all these years, you just can't seem to figure this out. We keep giving this chance after chance, but for whatever reason, everyone just winds up frustrated in the end. And we really should just stop doing this to ourselves.
So, if you don't mind, please leave your key, and we'll go ahead and pay you that money we owe you. Best of luck on that future endeavors thing and all that. Oh yeah, and on your way out the door... could you please pick up all these puppets?
Sincerely, The WWE Universe
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